Should we love ourselves? Of course. How true love differs from "convenient" love, the two extremes of self-hatred and self-indulgence, and what it means to truly love oneself.
Should we love ourselves? The answer is clear: of course we should. Love is goodness and light. But in society there is a misunderstanding, false ideas about what love is and what it means to love someone.
"True love" and "convenient love"
What do people usually picture when they hear the word "love"? Something that feels pleasant, good and bright; people who evoke joyful sensations and emotions; people who are kind. We could say that a person truly loves if they act along these lines: "You are my friend, I care about you, I am doing everything I can to help you." And such help can be either "sweet" or "bitter." Because of human nature and the way our psychology works, a person associates love precisely with "sweet" help — when their partner's actions match their own view and lead to the satisfaction of their desires, whatever those may be. But when the partner gives "bitter" help — for example, refusing the beloved something for their own good — the beloved begins to feel hatred and anger, thinking that the partner wants to do them harm. That is why in modern society love is most often understood as permissiveness toward the one who loves, and indulging everything the object of love desires. Such relationships are harmful; they spoil a person and lead to degradation. This is the approach to love of someone who is merely "nice": they give "convenient love" ("sweet help") — that is, only what you want, but not what you really need.
The one who loves is the sculptor of the beloved
A person who sincerely loves and is kind to the beloved will make every effort to prevent the beloved's degradation, to free them from inner shackles and to help them find their own path of development. This is the approach of a truly kind person: the path of correcting imperfections, of working on the one they love. And a kind person will be ready to go to any lengths in their love — to hurt feelings, conflicts, situations that might spoil the relationship — just to help the beloved move forward. To be kind and loving means to do what a person needs, and not only what is pleasant for them. Love is a combination of the partners' full acceptance of each other as they are at this moment (in any form and any state) and the determination not to allow what would lead the partner to degradation. Only such true love can help the beloved find themselves and find happiness.
Two extremes in loving oneself
In loving oneself we can identify two extremes: an inferiority complex (self-hatred, self-abasement, beating oneself up over one's mistakes and misdeeds) and indulging oneself in all one's desires and shortcomings. Both extremes lead to degradation and push us away from finding happiness.
When indulging themselves, a person refuses to work on themselves and does not want to change. That is, they are "nice" to themselves — they do only what is pleasant for them and throw everything else away like bitter pills.
The other extreme — an inferiority complex, self-hatred — has a destructive effect both on the person and on those around them. Someone who hates themselves hates others too. They lose the ability to feel compassion for others, and a desire appears to punish people for the slightest misstep. Self-hatred is a negative, burning, unpleasant feeling. At the slightest mistake, such a person begins to reproach and torment themselves. We need to understand that making mistakes is part of the natural process of evolution. The mind always contains both something beautiful and the problems accumulated through our evolutionary experience. We need to understand and accept ourselves as we are at this moment and constantly work with our load of problems. But we should not fall into the extreme of self-indulgence described above.
What does it mean to love oneself "truly"?
It means ruling out self-hatred and indulging one's weaknesses. To love oneself means to accept ourselves as we are, to work on our shortcomings, but neither to glorify them nor to judge ourselves for them. "What you think about, you become." If we constantly think about our mistakes, we ourselves will become a mistake.
To love oneself means to follow discipline. If you have made a mistake, you need to accept it and make every effort to correct it and not repeat it. As a penance you can take on an austerity — do something useful for the community (feed the hungry, clean up a shared area and so on).