The fifteen rules of conduct were given so that a person can establish harmonious and spiritual relationships with family, friends, colleagues and strangers. The first five: forgiveness, magnanimity, restraint, following one's ideals, self-restraint.
The 15 rules of conduct are rules that make it possible to establish harmonious and spiritual relationships with one's family, friends, colleagues and other people.
Spiritual relationships are those that transform the people involved and bring out the best in them. If you want to make friends with someone or start a family, you should weigh the consequences: "Will I be able to grow spiritually next to this person? Will this person be able to grow spiritually next to me?" If the answer to both questions is "no," then as a result of such a relationship people will degenerate, and such relationships are considered undesirable — that is, it is not recommended to enter into them. So one needs to change one's behavior so that these relationships first become spiritual and then harmonious. Relationships should bring joy and inspiration into life. If you follow the 15 rules of conduct, you will be able to reach harmonious relations with this world.
Forgiveness
In any situation where you are hurt, you need to learn to forgive. There is inner forgiveness and there is outer forgiveness. One needs to learn to forgive people inwardly as quickly as possible — best of all, immediately. This is important, first, for yourself, because grudges eat a person away from within, darken their life and weigh down the mind. The person loses lightness and the sweetness of existence and stops being beautiful. And second, for the sake of the other person. If you are hostile, the other person unconsciously picks up that hostility, and an interpersonal conflict begins: two egos start fighting each other. In this confrontation it is impossible either to change for the better yourself or to give the other a chance to move in a positive direction. Even if you defeat the offender, subdue them and start to dominate them, no positive transformation will take place. In the East they say: "The lover is the sculptor of the beloved."
In all our relationships we need to help the other person transform for the better
Such changes are possible only when there is no hostility and you are well disposed toward the person. If you have goodwill, expressed in the words "no matter what kind of person this is, I want them to be happy," then you hold in your hands a powerful instrument of transformation. One must strive to remove hostility from within — this is the essence of inner forgiveness.
But there is a second aspect of forgiveness, the outer or social one. If three or more people are involved in a relationship, you cannot forgive outwardly until the person mends their ways and stops doing wrong. If someone does wrong and you immediately forgive them everything, you are in fact encouraging wrongdoing. There is a line in one film: "All that is needed for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing." Evil will triumph in relationships if it is not resisted, so destructive behavior must be opposed.
So, if it concerns only you and your inner feelings, you should forgive at once. But in the social aspect of forgiveness you have a duty toward the offender: to lead them on the path of righteousness, to help them overcome their destructive tendencies, so that they do not harm others and do good. In the legal system of any country, the principle of the inevitability of punishment prevails: we know that 10 or 20 years may pass, but justice will still triumph. A fair judgment may not come at once, but it will certainly come. This principle of the inevitability of punishment is also very important in relationships.
You should not forgive a person until their nature has changed. But at the same time your actions should not be based on revenge: "You did me wrong, and now I want revenge. I will forgive you only after I have taken my revenge." This position is destructive, because revenge will never end. In the Middle Ages — and in some places even now — there was the blood feud. Families, whole clans slaughtered one another only because one person had offended another. And then these families feuded for decades. Revenge is a purely animal reaction. We need to get rid of it, but remember: "I will not forgive you until your nature changes. Inwardly I have forgiven you, but outwardly I am imposing sanctions, and until you have reformed, we cannot relate as before."
It is important to apply the principle of forgiveness correctly. If you forgive everything at once, people will stop respecting you. On the other hand, if you take revenge on everyone for everything and are inwardly caught up in the process of revenge, inner suffering will begin. Inner suffering gives rise to irreconcilable relations with people. But if you forgive inwardly, showing goodwill and good intentions, people will feel it and understand that you wish them well.
Magnanimity
Magnanimity means the absence of envy. An envious person cannot bear it when someone else is doing well. And when another person is doing well, the envious one feels bad. Only those people succeed on their spiritual path who feel deep compassion for all, who feel pain together with the failures and pain of other beings, and who shine like emeralds and rubies — shine with joy together with the victories and successes of others. When other people are doing well, you should always rejoice in their happiness, because envy is an animal feeling: it corrupts a person, promotes degeneration and reveals spiritual poverty. If in a family a man envies a woman or a woman envies a man, it destroys the family. Shiva said: "If there is a wish for the welfare of one's partner in the mind, even a straw hut will turn into a golden palace."
When a person envies others, they become an unpleasant personality. How can one learn to overcome envy? Through magnanimity. Magnanimity has to be trained. For example, you have two apples. One apple is wormy, the other is good. Which apple will you offer your friend? Natural instinct inclines you to take the whole, good apple. But magnanimity says: "I want my friend to enjoy it." When someone succeeds at something, you should think: "How wonderful! Great that it worked out! I'm happy for them!" This is the psychology of a successful person. The envious one has the mentality of a loser. More good things come to a person who always rejoices in the successes of others. Their karma takes shape in such a way that they acquire a winner's mentality and succeed in life.
Spiritual behavior means treating others with compassion and coming to help when needed
Perhaps from the point of view of immediate practicality you will lose out, and your ego will not feel satisfied, but in the long run you will always win. Through your behavior you will earn the respect of other people. And every relationship rests on respect. Without respect, a relationship will never be harmonious.
Restraint in emotions and behavior
We often give in to provocation and vent our anger without thinking and without finding the grain of reason in another person's words. That is how enmity arises. If you have learned to forgive inwardly, this problem will be solved. But in most cases people do not know how to forgive and drag around a huge load of old grudges. So it is important at least not to create new grudges. Accumulated grudges destroy families and friendships and spoil good relations. And we offend others mainly when we are seized by anger. That is why constant control over emotions and one's behavior is needed. Neither temperament nor irritability should rule you; on the contrary, you should rule your emotions.
At the moment when emotions cloud our reason, we often say things we later regret. So it is very important to develop balance and restraint. How can this be done? First, with the help of meditation. It has been scientifically proven that during meditation the adrenal glands produce fewer stress hormones. With regular meditation a person becomes less and less prone to anger. Second, with the help of A yoga posture held steadily and comfortably; it balances the glands and quiets body and mind for meditation.. It is recommended to do ásanas for the mańipura A center of psychic energy in the body; seven major ones lie along the spine.. This way we can control our anger.
Anger is often born when you hear criticism directed at you. If someone criticizes you, you need to analyze their words. And if there is even a grain of truth in what they say, then you should thank that person for telling you, because this criticism will help you become better. It does not matter who criticizes you, friends or enemies. It is always important to treat criticism rationally. Many may think that if people hear you being criticized, they will lose respect for you. But that is not so. If you are able to accept constructive criticism, respect for you will only grow. Because this is the behavior of a strong personality, for whom ambition matters less than the success of the work and positive results. The book Nonviolent Communication has a principle: do not hear aggression in another person's words. Take in only the grain of reason and try to understand what the person wanted to convey to you. In other words, it is important, on the one hand, not to hear aggression, and on the other, not to be an aggressor yourself, and to keep working on control of your emotions.
Following one's ideals
This is a very difficult principle, but also a very spiritual one, showing how mature a person is. All spiritual relationships are built on it. Relationships are important, but is there anything more important than relationships? If a person puts any relationship on a pedestal and nothing is more important to them, they will hold on even to a relationship that is wrong for them and suffer from it. What is an ideology? Ideals are a set of principles by which we are guided in life.
The ideals of a yogi: "The aim of my life is the liberation of the spirit and service to all beings"
If you have fully accepted these ideals of a yogi, and life has put you before a choice — ideals or a relationship — what should you choose? Each person must answer this question for themselves. And depending on what a person chooses, either stagnation and decline await them, or a truly lofty and harmonious bond with another person. If you are not ready to sacrifice everything for your principles, you are easy to manipulate. But when you have decided inwardly that these things are unshakable for you and you will never compromise them, you are strong.
It often happens that people who leave the spiritual path under pressure from outside lose their ideals, become empty and lonely, and lose everything they had. But people who hold firmly to their ideals find support in them at any time. Those around them respect them for their firmness, and they respect themselves much more, because they act in accordance with their principles. One must be ready to part with everything one has — but only in order to preserve oneself, one's conscience, one's integrity. And if a person has once compromised what matters most to them, who will take them seriously after that?
Compromises, "selling off" one's most important values, never guarantee stability in relationships. What is yours will remain yours. What has to go will leave you anyway. So you need to preserve your main values, your main treasures. If you do not sell yourself short and remain whole, you will keep your inner wealth, and people will be drawn to you as to a magnet. If you follow this principle, even your enemies will respect you.
During the Second World War there was a hero who held his position alone for a whole day. He blew up a large number of enemy tanks. And when he was finally taken prisoner, an officer of the enemy army lined up his soldiers and said: "If every one of our soldiers fought like this, we would have conquered the whole world long ago." The officer ordered his soldiers to fire a volley in honor of this fighter. Nobility can be seen on either side of the barricades. To live surrounded by noble people, you must become such a person yourself.
Self-restraint in everything
Self-restraint in everything means that you will walk the middle path and cultivate moderation in everything. For example, eating neither too much nor too little, and eating food that is good for body and mind. In all actions a yogi should strive to choose the middle path, the path of moderation. And this applies especially to control over the sense organs and the motor organs.
We have five sense organs and five motor organs. The sense organs: the ears (hearing), the skin (touch), the eyes (sight), the tongue (taste) and the nose (smell). The motor organs: the vocal apparatus, the hands, the feet, the genitals and the anus. These organs are like horses harnessed to the carriage of the body. In this carriage sits the Soul. The reins of the carriage are the mind. The coachman who drives the horses is our conscience. For this carriage to go in the right direction, all its parts must be strong and well trained.
It is necessary to control the sense organs, because if a person lacks this control, they become unreliable, and most people do not respect them. In India there are buffaloes and bulls. If you harness a bull to a cart, it will plow on without distraction, but the buffalo loves water very much, so when it passes water it will simply lie down in it and enjoy itself. A person who does not control their sense organs behaves like that buffalo. You cannot entrust anything serious to such a person; you cannot rely on them. Even if the sense organs pull with all their might toward something negative, it is important to learn not to follow them: to control the tongue (not overeat), to control the eyes (not watch useless videos, advertising and so on), the ears (not listen to empty talk and gossip), the nose (not smell unpleasant odors). A person who controls their sense organs is their own master. Otherwise the senses control the person. One sage said: "Those who cannot govern themselves are governed by others." Through such weakness a person can be manipulated, bribed or led astray. Developing control over the sense organs gives freedom and strength to follow one's conscience, and to build good relationships with other beings.
So we have looked at the first five principles of spiritual culture: forgiveness, magnanimity, constant restraint in emotions and behavior, following one's ideals, and self-restraint in everything. These principles must be practiced in order to develop in the right direction and form spiritual relationships with all beings in our world.
To be continued…